Pensive...

(<---A sunset peaking through the clouds, over Vancouver's English Bay Beach, on a cold windy day of December 2006...)

I had to stay late in the office. In French, we say it's a baroud d'honneur. You give your best, as if it's a big fight, decisive... while you know it's just for the honour (baroud=fight, honneur=honour).

I'm tight lip about the things going on, but suffice to say that for me and for a lot of people, at the end of the year, it's going to be the end of the road. At first, it was something so far away... it wasn't worrisome at all.

And bingo, we're less than 6 weeks away from the end...

So I took a break, and I was watching the sunset over the Mount Royal...

(<--- Photo of Stanley Park, at sunset)
Last year, almost on this time of the year, I was on the west coast... on days a bit like today. Raw, cold and windy, and a sun valiantly attempting to peek through the clouds...

In some cultures, the sunset marks a passage. The end of a day... the promise that there will be another day tomorrow... which will almost certainly be different than today.

There's a bit of that happening with my professional career...

If this was up to me, this would be the ideal time to set sails and to say bye-bye Montréal!

Vancouver? The Gulf Coast Islands? Victoria? You betcha...

But I can't.

(<--- Photos of some of these islands, between Vancouver and Victoria)

I never thought, even in my worst nightmares that I'd be stamped as a caregiver... and the prime beneficiaries... would be my parents. In a country supposedly known for its safety net... where is that net when the time has come? I wonder...

There's something not right... At age 43, I should have kids of my own to care for. I shouldn't have to care for my parents as if they were my children. Things are completely in reverse, here.

And the weight of being single. At other times, it would be a blessing... especially with this powerful desire to set sails... since I have just myself and my cats to take care.

But on these days, on top of everything else... It's tough. The house is terribly empty, having just myself and my cats to talk to when I do breakfast, for instance.

Nor that I'm easily "marketable". Someone who wants to marry me... will marry the family, as they say. So, any nurse or would-be nurse around? Along with a serious dose of psychology in order to weather the storm, one after the other? Ootch... I scare everyone miles away, I know that.

I'm pensive...

Those are impossible questions which tomorrow will nonetheless have to bring answers. It's a sure thing. So this is going to be interesting...

But I wish there's a fast-forward button... I'm a little bit tired of waiting... and I wish that tomorrow is... _that_ tomorrow.

Since there are major changes just ahead... maybe this is the tomorrow I'm waiting for... albeit I've no idea of where, what nor how it's going to be.

Ok, time to go to bed. :)

Cheers,

-E